Heart Surgen

Have you ever been injured? Not just hurt or banged up, but really injured? The kind of injury that makes you put your active life on hold. This past winter I was playing basketball when a reoccurring injury happened to me again. I dislocated my patella after having rebounded the ball. (And it was an amazing rebound, if I do say so myself.) I have dislocated my patella in varying degrees of severity about four times since I was a freshman in high school. Every time this happens to me I wind up laying on the ground writhing in pain, and it is not uncommon for me to scream and yell (sometimes cry) like a girl. This time was no different in that respect. Just as it had in the past, along with the pain came some internal damage to the knee joint. This time doctors were confident that with some physical therapy to strengthen the muscles I would be good to go in a few months. After a few months of intense therapy, it did look like my leg was back to normal. I had full range of motion and my muscles looked pretty even. I’ll admit that it looked good from the outside. However, deep inside I could tell something wasn’t right. Something else was hindering a full recovery. The doctor finally agreed with me and took a look inside and found some areas that needed cleaned up.

It dawned on me the other day that I, along with most men, treat my failings and short comings in life the same way. When we stumble in our walk or fall into a sin, we often  assume a few exercises is all we’ll need to make our behavior stronger. We’re men, after all, we can tough it out and will ourselves back to better behavior. The problem I have found with this attitude and approach is that even if we are able to change and function in a “good enough” manner, we are still damaged and injured people on the inside. No matter how good we get on the outside we will always be held back by the issues under the surface.

To fully fix the root of my knee injury, I needed a surgeon to dig in and clean up the inside of my knee. I had arthroscopic surgery to remove a couple large pieces of cartilage, repair the torn meniscus and perform a lateral release of the patella. The knee joint swelled to nearly three centimeters larger in diameter. I was in intense pain and needed major pain killers to function.  However, I could tell immediately that the joint was much smoother and my knee was moving correctly. In the long run, I will be much better off for having a trusted doctor go inside my joint and clean the garbage out.

Similarly, to fully fix the damage in our hearts, we need someone willing to dig into our lives and hold us accountable. My problem, like most men, is finding that true friend to share life with. However, it is vital to my overall health as a father, husband, employee and man. I hope you are looking for this accountability in your life, too.

Abandoned?

Remember the movie Cast Away? Tom Hanks’ Character has been in a plane crash and is the only survivor stranded on a tropical island. Eventually, he finds a volleyball that washed up to shore from the wreckage. The ball, through a random course of events, becomes his only companion, Wilson. He is able to keep his sanity by talking through his troubles and fears with Wilson. At one point in the movie Wilson is swept out to sea and Tom Hanks’ character freaks out with the sudden realization he’s all alone on this island. He has no one to talk to; no one to share his plight with. The only “person” he has been able to talk to for years is now gone. The impact of being truly alone nearly crushes his sanity.

The other day I felt a little like Tom Hanks; alone on an island. I had recently received a short rash of bad news, and I was looking for someone to talk to. I picked up my phone and started going down the list of friends. Not a single one picked up their phone when I called. It seemed that I was all alone. Like all negative thoughts do, this feeling seemed to escalate. It quickly jumped from, “What a bummer I don’t have a buddy that can talk right now.” to “Man I am completely alone on this planet. I don’t have a single friend. Has God even abandoned me?” Have you ever felt this way? I knew it was completely irrational, but that’s how I felt.

After about three days of this, I read something in my daily bible written by David in Psalm 22. The Psalm is written as a song, that starts with, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” This was exactly how I was feeling. I read through the rest of the song and it seemed to say exactly what my heart was feeling. When I was finished reading the song I realized it was also a prophetic Psalm, meaning that David wrote about things that would happen to Christ. For example, the last line of the Psalm reads, “They divide my garments among themselves and throw dice for my clothing.” This is one of the things that happened to Jesus while he was on the Cross. These prophetic lines, along with the opening line of the Psalm, got me thinking about my aloneness in a different perspective.

I knew God was telling me that no matter how I feel, I am NOT alone. Look at the life of David. This man who had such a longing for knowing God that he was called ‘a man after God’s own heart.’ This man must have known God’s presence. Yet at times, even he felt alone enough to cry out “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” Then there’s the situation with Jesus himself. Clearly he felt the presence of God in his life at all times. Surely he felt intimate with God in ways that I can only imagine. Yet, in the darkest hour of his life he cries the same words, “MY GOD, MY GOD why have you forsaken me!” These two men, as close to God as they were, still had times in their lives where they felt abandoned by God.

This knowledge gave me an objective view of my own situation. I was not being chased by a kings army wanting to kill me like David was. I was not being crucified for the sins of all mankind and facing hell on the other side of death like Jesus. I was simply struggling with life not going the way I would have liked. Even in my trivial experiences, though, it dawned on me that the times of feeling abandoned are, like with David and Jesus, necessary for the completion of God’s plan in our lives. He is guiding us through these situations to further develop our character and deepen our relationship. There are good times to come. Losing Wilson forced Tom Hanks’ character to get off the island, which led to his rescue. David became one of the greatest kings Israel has ever known. Jesus was raised from his death saving all mankind from their sin and then went back to heaven to reign over heaven and earth with God. Those times when we feel furthest from God seem to be the dark before the dawn of times we feel closest to Him.

Daddy Moments

It was a moment, a moment that I hope will change my children’s lives. It was a simple moment. It was a moment that I could have easily let slip away. I was on the couch reading when my daughter came into the room in the way that only 2 year old girls can. As she ran into the room she sang very loudly, “Watch me do flips, Daddy. Watch me do flips, Daddy.” My first reaction was to explain to her that I was busy reading and that I could watch her later. Instead, I dropped my book and turned my full attention to her. I watched her attempt somersaults about three times. I then told her what a wonderful job she was doing at ‘flipping.’ At that point, I thought the moment was over. I was wrong. She seemed to be addicted to my attention. The more I watched, the more flips she wanted to do, and the more flips she did, the more I was supposed to watch. After about the fifth series of flips I wanted to get back to my book, however, something inside me knew I was supposed to watch her until she was done; giving her all the attention and support she could handle. So, I did. 

In that moment I felt the Holy Spirt telling me this is what my kids need most from me. They need my full attention in the little moments. I need to give them my undivided attention even when what they want me to watch are poor attempts at somersaults. They need to see they are the highest priority in my life. All of the little things in life that steal my moments can be put on hold. So many times I have dismissed what my kids were showing me. I have half-heartedly shown an interest in a drawing or a color page or distractedly praised the lego car they made. In that moment I was convicted of this attitude. 

This “ah-ha” moment motivated me to change. I know God has called me to be a father to my children not just in the big moments in life, but in the little moments, too. I have to admit that I’ve been failing. My prayer is that, like me, you will take the time to let go of distractions in your life and grab hold of those moments with your kids. 

Walls of Character

The other day I was building a retaining wall to support a parking pad off the side of my garage. I decided to try and find some Hedge tree fence posts for the structure of the retaining wall. Hedge is known for its ability to withstand rotting for a very long period of time.  I found a large tree on a friend’s property that I could use. Just cutting the wood took me a couple days separated by a couple months and a few minor repairs to my chain saw. Eventually, I had the proper number of fence posts ready to go. I then began the even more labor intensive task of actually building the retaining wall. The wall didn’t have to be very high; only a couple feet at the highest point. I did, however, have to set the main support posts deep into the ground in order to ensure my wall would hold the weight of dirt, gravel and any vehicle. 

As I was building this wall in the 95 degree heat, a thought occurred to me. This wall is like my character and my manhood. As I thought about it more, I drew a connection between building a wall to last and building my character to last. I was sweating to death in the heat, digging deep into hard soil and I just wanted it to get done! I wanted to start taking short cuts. I wanted to stop digging the post holes so deep. I wanted the wall to be done now.

In the same way, I want my character to be built now. I want to be that great man now! 

As I was finishing the wall I felt like God was telling me that it takes time and hard work to build character that lasts. In the end though, that character, like a well built wall, will withstand more than character built on short-sided wants. God is building me to last. This brought encouragement to my heart and my aching body. I think that the Holy Spirit builds all of us like this. It takes time, it takes work, it takes pain and some days you want to take short cuts. However, the Holy Sprit and our God has a great plan for our lives, our manhood and our character. If we will let him build us up with the proper mix of materials, depth of faith and trust in his plan, then in his timing we will be men of God that can withstand any weight that is pressed against us.

Action or Inaction: That is the ?

It occurred to me the other day after another lapse of sin in my life, that as we are living our lives we generally are not trapped by our actions, but rather by our inaction. For example, when we struggle with a sin or a short fall in our lives we look at it like “man why do I keep committing this sin”? I have noticed that in my life my lapses come from not what sin I am acting on, but rather what actions in Christ I am not taking. 

Let me explain. Lets say that I struggle with anger in my life. I have a problem with blowing up at my kids and my wife over little things that happen around the house. Or if I don’t blow up, I say mean resentful comments to those I love when I feel they haven’t performed the way I think they should. Well you and I both agree that I should learn to control my anger I should not be lashing out at my family. That is not how Christ would want me to interact with my family. However, I would say that my biggest short fall is in what I don’t do and not what I do. If I was to run to Christ and pray for protection and seek his peace for my life constantly through out the day I would not struggle to keep my anger in check. If I was to take action when I knew the attacks from the enemy were at their highest I would be more successful at interacting with my family in loving ways. 

However instead of constantly engaging with Christ what I find myself and I am sure you find yourself doing is maybe praying in the morning before the day starts and then never giving another thought about my spiritual life throughout the day. I give into inaction, we all do. We have fallen again through our lack of acting and engaging constantly throughout the day. We have to be on high alert all day everyday if we are to keep ourselves in check and tuned in to the Spirit of God. I know the battle is not easy, but victory is worth every last fight. Victory over an enemy that would love nothing more than for us than to live lives of apathy and continual separation from God’s plan and will for our lives. You can fight, you  can win, you can engage in your spirituality daily. 

All it takes is to be listening for the enemy trying to tempt you. When you hear or see it, don’t just listen or give in, fight back. In the name of Jesus, fight back, make him leave you alone. Then pray for the Holy Spirt to help you with the next attack. As the day goes on you will get quicker and quicker at recognizing the attacks and your defense will become faster and faster. You will gradually become a stronger man for your God, your family and your friends. Try it some day, try it tomorrow. See if yo don’t find yourself not being tripped up and distracted by the little things in life. 

Adrenaline Junkie

Since childhood, one of my favorite hobbies has been bike riding. As I grew older my bikes changed as well. I spent a of time enjoying the standard BMX bike and grew into loving mountain bikes. After college I even discovered an entirely new way to ride a mountain bike. During a family vacation to Whistler, British Columbia, Canada I discovered downhill and free-ride mountain biking. This form of mountain biking is a little different from regular mountain biking in that you are riding a bike with more suspension travel than most cars, and to ensure safety at high speeds the braking system consisting of hydraulic disc brakes are more modern and powerful that the brakes on my first truck. You might be wondering “Why would anyone need that kind of suspension and brakes on a mountain bike?” The answer would be...crazy people who enjoy taking the chair lifts of a ski resort to the top of the mountain and riding down the trails as fast as they possibly can. I became one of those people on that vacation. 

I have always been something of an adrenaline junkie. I love to push my limits of fear and mental focus. Participating in high speed and high risk “extreme” sports makes me feel like I am exploring and using the far reaches of my skills, abilities and talents. I have to be so focused on what I am doing that I am not distracted by what might go wrong. 

I was thinking about how this relates to my life spiritually; how this relates to my relationship with Christ. I was thinking,“Am I living my life like I ride my mountain bike? Am I treating my relationship with Christ like I ride my bike?” After a little reflection I realized that my answer was ‘no.’ I am not living my life or participating in my relationship with Christ like I ride my bike. I am not living in a relationship with Christ that pushes me to the edge of control. I am not living in a relationship that forces me to focus my heart on Christ so much that nothing else around me can bother my focus. I am not living in a relationship that takes me to the  extremes in a way that others look at me like I am crazy when I describe what I am doing for Christ.

The thing is, I think this is the type of relationship Christ wants us to have with Him. After pondering this a bit, I began to think about one of Jesus' parables.  It is known as the parable of the talents. Jesus tells a story of three servants that have been entrusted with a portion of their masters wealth. The master is going on a trip and wants the servants to take care of some of his money while he is gone. When the master returns from the trip he calls his servants to report what they have done with their portions of money. The first two servants have been taking risks with the money and have invested the it. Both of these servants were able to double the money entrusted to them. The master praises their skills and their willingness to take risk. The third servant decided that it was too much of a risk to invest; he was scared of what the master might do to him if he lost any of the money. He hides it in the ground for the duration of the master’s trip. The master in the story scolds the servant calling him wicked and lazy! To me, Jesus seems to be saying that we can’t just cruise through this life. We can’t get by without taking risks for the kingdom of heaven. We have to live a life and live in a relationship with him that involves risk. The cool thing about this is that when we focus our attention on Christ, just like bombing down a mountain on a bike, we are able to lean on our talents and we come out of this life with successful investments of each talent Christ entrusted us with.

The Matrix: The Strength To Fight

“I know you’re out there, I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid. You’re afraid of us, afraid of change. I don’t know the future, I didn’t come here to tell you how this was going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I’m going to hang up this phone and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders and boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.” - Neo, from the Matrix.

This quote popped into my head the other day and it got me thinking. I was thinking about the Matrix movie and how it relates to real life. Before we come into a relationship with Christ we are like the people stuck in the Matrix. We are totally blind to the reality of our lives. Then, at some point someone comes along and reveals to us the nature of our lives; how there is freedom from the life that we are stuck living. In the movie, Neo is one such person who is presented with the option to know the truth about his circumstances or to stay within the fantasy world never knowing true freedom. After his choice, he comes to find out that there has been a prophecy about him and his life. It is said that he is “The One.” Neo struggles with what is perceived to be the “call” on his life to save the rest of the people of the known world. He is told that he is the only one who can save the people from the trap that is the Matrix. He feels torn between the need to rescue the other people in the Matrix and his own fears of not being good enough to be “The One.”

This seems to be the struggle that we all face, right? We all have insecurities and fears about our talents. I know I struggle with this every day. I struggle with knowing who I am, what my lot in life is and whether I am making a difference in the world. Mostly, I struggle with knowing whether or not I am doing what Jesus wants me to do. Am I being the person that Jesus wants me to be? I want to be like Neo. I want to find the strength to dodge bullets, fight off five bad guys at a time and not be afraid of the enemy that is controlling my friends and family. I want to be that guy. I want to be the hero in the story of my life. I feel to this point I haven’t even come close. I feel like the Neo who first entered the Matrix and had to be rescued from death...by a girl. I think about what it will take to step up and save the lives and souls of those around me and it scares me a little. This fear almost makes me want to go back to the life I was living...the one in the gel filled tubes and living a mindless existence. 

Just when I have almost given into these feelings I hear a small voice, the same voice that is talking to all of us, saying, “I will give you strength...you can do this.” I feel Jesus calling us. He is calling us to rely on him to calm our fears; to strengthen our weaknesses. He can and will transform our lives. He will give us the strength to stay in the fight and the confidence to call out to our enemies like Neo. The great thing about this transformation is how it happens. It is a transformation that happens through simply being in His presence. It happens through nothing that we do ourselves, but rather through hearing God teach us where we need to rely on Him for strength. This, to me, is the greatness, the awesomeness and even the beauty of knowing Christ. Being with Christ today and tomorrow means He is working in me. He is working in you, too. He gives us the strength to be like Neo. We can dodge bullets, defeat any bad guy who stands in our way and, maybe, even fly...we just have to let go and let him use us.